Dads Don’t ‘Babysit’, They ‘Parent’

   LAST weekend my husband took our four-year-old daughter to a party.

It wasn’t a drop and go variety; the parents stayed. Are you impressed?

You shouldn’t be, but one guest was. When he arrived one of the mums said to him: “Aren’t you good!” It was more a testimonial than a question. Ummmm, pardon??? I have taken my girls to hundreds of parties and never once have I been told that I am “good” to do so. And why should I be?

This kind of endorsement doesn’t occur in isolation, it happens all the time. All. The. Time. In over seven years of parenting I have lost track of the number of times I have heard someone applauding a dad for — quite simply — being a parent.

When my husband is out with our three girls without me, he frequently gets asked, “On babysitting duty today?”

It is a tired refrain. It’s very simple. When a dad takes his child to a party, or changes a nappy, or cooks them dinner, this is called PARENTING.

I am a stay-at-home mum, which means I spend most of my week kid wrangling. But mothering is not my only role in life. I also work as a freelance writer and blogger. I have little time to dedicate to my work during the week so I work most weekends.

This is why my husband is often the lead parent at the weekend, taking them to swimming lessons, parties and sometimes he even takes all three children to the supermarket with him. He is regularly praised for these domestic “achievement”, while I am often met with raised eyebrows when I miss weekend activities with the kids. But my work is no less important than his

     Michaela Fox pictured with her three girls.Source:Supplied

Our arrangement is called shared parenting. It is called equality. And research shows that equality between partners leads to happier relationships.

There’s an assumption that mums are always the default parent. We need to stop talking about dads like they’re an inept accessory to parenting, and that a dad spending time with his kids is merely babysitting.

Parenting today is not a mother’s role. It is a shared role. But if we are to embrace and encourage this change we need to have the same expectations of fathers as we do of mothers.

Insinuating that dads are simply second-rate fill-ins is sexist to both men and women. When we make derisive comments, however casually or in jest, it matters.

I hear a lot of mums confessing they feel guilty for going out on the weekend and leaving their husbands to take the reins. I don’t feel a shred of guilt if I go out on the weekend on a girls’ night leaving him to manage the books, bath, and bed routine. Why on earth would I? I do it every night.

Recently when Chris Hemsworth baked a cake for his daughter’s birthday, the internet had a meltdown. But does this deserve a standing ovation? No. Is he an involved parent? Yes.

                            The Instagram post the internet got a little too excited about.Source:Supplied

Fortunately my husband is not so foolish to think he is amazing for performing basic parenting duties. The lady at the party was right; he is a good dad. But not for the many silly reasons he gets told he is.

He doesn’t “babysit”, he parents. And like the many fabulous dads I know, he’s pretty damn good at it.

Michaela Fox is a freelance writer, blogger and mother of three. She muses on the ups and downs of motherhood on her blog Not Another Slippery Dip. You can also follow her on Facebook.

Credit: news